If you have opened this article it is either because you feel the need to change your partner, you have an assignment due but you keep procrastinating by reading random posts and watching cat videos or worse you are a friend/family and you feel like you have no choice but to support me.
Either way, you are here and for that let me apologize because this post is not about helping you change your partner. Why would you even want to change the person you claim to be deeply in love with?
Trying to change a person is as hard as convincing yourself that that boy/girl you like will eventually fall for your charms and as easy as being dumped because you thought, “It’s just harmless flirting” or “he/she will never find out anyway”. By the way if you ever find yourself in that predicament DON’T DO IT because the truth always finds its way to the surface.
A friend of mine is in a very bad place at the moment because after being in a long term relationship, he finally found out that his partner will never change to the person he wanted her to be. Believe me I understand the pain he is going through but seriously why do we do it?
Don’t misunderstand me, I am all for shaping our partners into their perfect selves or whatever but at the same time we should be weary of the thin line of shaping and changing. When shaping, you act as the rock, you suggest ways in which they can better themselves, you support their dreams, you pick them up when they fall, you encourage them to keep at it and ensure they know you will always have their back.
When changing, you recall that perfume your ex used to wear and because you think it was the ‘best’ scent in the world you nudge them to start using it. “You eat beef? I think you should be vegan like me besides we are not animals.” The poor bastard gives up his beloved gammon steak with peppercorn sauce for the salad and mushrooms that it comes with only because they don’t want to lose you. “Honey no one listens to 90’s music anymore, why do you hang out with them anyway? Do you always have to speak your mind? I don’t understand why you won’t have children with me? You shouldn’t let your mother affect your every decision, writing is a hobby get a real job and real men don’t drive stupid trucks.
These are just but some of the ways we subconsciously or consciously end up changing the people we love. With time they look in the mirror and realise they cannot recognise themselves anymore. They feel trapped and lost and before you know it, you are all alone and she is pregnant 2 months after dumping you even though she had made it clear with you that she never wanted kids or his writing career picks up and he becomes a renowned author, moves to Hollywood and gives another woman the life you would have had if only you had supported and believed in him.
Would I like to change some of the things about my man? Certainly, I am human after all but when I look at him I realise his imperfections make him perfect for me. Without those things that are slightly not appealing like the way I pick my teeth in public, the way I make weird noises when it gets cold, the way I have mood swings due to ADHD, how incredibly messy I can be, how picky I am and fussy about everything, how I am always stubborn and difficult or the unexplainable desire to be cuddled and pampered with shoes and dresses LOL then I wouldn’t be me.
What I am trying to say is, if you get to a point where you feel like you must change your partner in order to stand them then maybe you aren’t where you need to be. Never change to please another because you are an original and if someone loves you, they will love all of you including your flaws.
Till next time my lovelies and as always, Stay Fabulous.